|
|
|
| Bookbulb Library |
|
 |
Good Morning
Does anyone else ever get sick out saying good morning? I do. I have noticed lately that people are getting so lazy with the phrase that they just say "morning". No "good", just the "morning". How am I suppose to respond to this? Should I just say " Thanks Captain Obvious", because I already know that it’s the morning.
Breakfast Cereal
I am curious if I am the only one who does this? After I pour a bowl of cereal into the bowl I put the box down next to me at the table. If I have no paper to read, I will read the entire cereal box, from nutritional information to ingredients. I do this everytime I eat cereal. I could have the same box of Lucky Charms for a week straight and still read that stupid box everytime I eat it........If you ask me to remember what it says......no clue! Somehow when I eat cereal, my brain goes to a far off galaxy where it can't retain information. Can anyone else relate?
Caught in the Act
I know other people do this. It just can't be me. The other day I was sitting at dinner, I wondered to myself if I remembered to put on deodorant that morning. It is such a habit to slap on deodorant, sometimes I don't realize that I do it. So I decided to check this little problem out. I did the "fake turn" over my left shoulder and pretended to look at something. Little did everyone else know, I was really smelling for B.O. The left pit smelled good, now I had to check out the right one. But, I just couldn't do the same "fake turn" again, so I decided to do the "fake stretch". I raised up my arms in the air and tilted my head to the right. Ahhhh...Smells like Right Guard to me. Just then my dinner companion called me on it. She had realized what I was doing. Man, did I feel like an idiot. But we all do it.....DON'T WE?
Are Those Real?
I think I know what it feels like to be a woman with fake
breasts. How can this be possible? I get asked on a daily basis, "Are those real?" Yes they are and thank you for asking. Of course this comment is being directed towards my eyes not, my breasts. It is nice to be complimented on something......but when that is the only thing you hear, over and over again.....it gets old. I know that there are many others of you out there. You have the perfect hair, the perfect butt, or something that everyone always makes a comment on. It is strange how someone trying to be nice to you can actually annoy you.
Rain, Rain Go Away
It's amazing how some people are so afraid to get wet? They act as if liquid hot magma is falling from the sky and is going to burn them. No folks, it's just harmless water drops. Oh, it may mess up the hair a bit, but overall you will be okay. So instead of running like wild beasts across the parking lot dashing in front of cars........Take your time, take on a little water and walk safely, avoiding cars and other moving objects. Besides, the messy look for hair is in..... isn't it?
Wet Plastic = Anger
I don't ask for too many things in my life. But for once, I would like to open up my dishwasher and see a new sight. All I want is to have my tupperware and other plastic items be dry! Everytime, it's the same old thing. I pick up the piece of tupperware and water dribbles all over. Either that or there is a big puddle on top of my favorite plastic Iowa State mug. What I don't understand is...... It has an option for "Heated Dry". Shouldn't this take care of the problem? I know this isn't an isolated event. I have used over 10 dishwashers, all with the same effect.
If someone knows of a dishwasher, that guarantees to dry tupperware please let me know! I am willing to pay large sums of money and maybe even my first born child. Just help me get a piece of dry tupperware!!!
The Bathroom
Have you ever been on the same bathroom schedule as someone else? What exactly do I mean by this? It seems like everytime I go and use the bathroom throughout the day, I run into the same few people. It never fails. I know walking in that I will see certain individuals. So this means that they are always in the bathroom or we are just on the same schedule.
While I am on the subject of bathrooms, I think most men can relate to this one. You walk into a bathroom and there can be at least 10 urinals lined up across the wall. They are all empty. I walk to the very end urinal to do my business and it never fails. The next guy to walk in has the option of 8 other urinals that are not right next to me, but he chooses the one at my side. I can't figure this one out.
Weight Loss Plan
I have a question to pose. On television ads featuring weight loss plans, why do the before and after picture look so different? I understand that the person should look a lot slimmer. But what about the other changes? I mean, does a tanning package and a bottle of hair dye come with the "wonder" fat-burning pills? Take some time and look the next time you see one of these commercials. In the before picture: A tired looking, pale, dark haired fat woman wearing sweats and a t-shirt. In the after picture: A tan, skinny, blond haired woman in a swimsuit. Come on!
At least make it look realistic. That is an easy lawsuit waiting to happen. I am going to take the pills and when I don't get tan and end up on a beach somewhere, with blond highlights, I am going to cry "False Advertising". Then I will win my lawsuit, eat steak all the time and get fat. But, the ironic thing is, there will be no fat burning pills to take, because I will have forced the company out of business with my lawsuit.
The Long Ride Home
Have you ever went and picked up your pizza instead of getting delivery? It is just plain torture! Usually when I end up ordering pizza I am to the point where I am starving. So I figure if I do carry-out I can save a few minutes (and a few buck on tips - I am cheap) and get the pizza a little quicker than with the delivery boy. But I don't think I can ever do that again. Once you get the hot, juicy, cheesy pizza in your car the torture begins. You can smell the aroma and the chemicals in your brain start going wild, you start salivating and little beads of sweat start falling in anticipation of your feast. This is one of those moments in life where you just want to go back to your savage caveman days and rip open that box and destroy that pizza. Another given is that on this journey home you will hit every red light known to man and get behind an 80 year doing 25mph on the highway. Yes, your 10 minute drive will feel like an eternity. So listen to my warning, go with delivery.
Pizza Delivery & Cops
Is there some sort of unwritten law, or a real law for that matter, that the public knows nothing about, that allows pizza delivery drivers to speed? Because I have to tell you I have noticed many cars with the pizza sign on them buzz past me doing at least 90mph on a 25mph street. Now granted I may not be the fastest driver in the world (my wife will tell you I drive like a grandpa), but come on! I never see those pizza cars pulled over. Do you? I think that the police department is getting some free pizza out of this deal. We make fun of cops for always wanting donuts, but the truth is that pizza is the number one addiction for them. This addiction allows 16 year old kids to cruise around town driving like maniacs in their old Dodge Neon with a pizza sign lit up on top. I mean come on. The light on top of the car even draws attention to the speeding cars and they still don't get pulled over. I challenge somebody to test my theory. Get a hold of one of these pizza signs and drive around town like a crazy person. Speed, hit garbage cans, run red lights, see if you get pulled over. My prediction.......... ....you won't. And no I won't pay for your ticket if you get one.
To buy the book, go www.broganbook.com
back to top
|
|
|
Advertisement:
|
